I have not written a blog post all week. I have been tired. I am still trying to catch up at work after sick leave and I have been staying late trying to clean out my desk drawers of the stuff that have been accumulating in them for the past months that I do not need. So I have been getting in late and the only thing I want to do then is sleep. I had decided what I wanted to blog about since Wednesday but had not been able to put it down on paper yet.
Usually when something negative happens that makes me angry or sad my first line of defence is to think about how I can fix it if only mentally. How do I get back to feeling good in the shortest possible time? My response is usually reactionary and it gets me over the feeling (sometimes not as quickly as I would like) but it does. I usually set goals in this period of time which may not be in my best interest, I just think that these are the things I need to do to prevent a reoccurrence of the situation that lead me to the thoughts in the first place. This brings me to the topic of today’s blog post.
I read an article by Tara Mohr where she discussed gift-goals and that has changed my perspective somewhat. As defined by Tara Mohr, “a gift-goal is a goal that feels like a true, gorgeous, exciting gift to yourself.” Gift-goals are all about you – your desires not what you think everybody else thinks you should be doing, they fulfil you not frustrate you. They come from a place that reflects who you are.
In the article she lists some questions you should ask yourself when creating these goals which I am reproducing here:
1. Putting all perfectionism, people-pleasing, shoulds, and self-critiques aside, what do you really want to create in your life?
2. What important parts of you are getting neglected in your life right now or need more attention? What would it look like to live those parts of your life more fully?
3. What contribution do you want to make to the world? What goals would help you make that contribution?
4. What do you feel a gut-level pull toward? What interests and intrigues you?
5. Who do you most admire? What about them do you admire? What would it look like to live those qualities more in your own life?
6. Close your eyes and picture yourself as a young child. See yourself in a childhood scene. Spend a few minutes with your childhood self and then ask him or her: what goals would you like to see me to pursue this year?
7. Close your eyes and picture yourself in your elder years, after a long happy life. Meet your wise, older self in his or her home. Spend a few minutes there, just being together. Ask him or her: what goals would you like to see me pursue this year?
8. What experiences have made you feel most alive? What would create more moments like that in your life this year?
9. What are the dreams and longings that your fears or inner critic won’t allow you to even consider?
10. What would give you huge delight and joy? What goals feel like giving yourself a big, important gift-the gift of fulfillment?
You can choose to ask yourself these questions whether you want to call the goals you set gift-goals or not. I have started making some gift-goals of my own since I read the article as well as trying to filter the goals I already have to see which ones are not a true reflection of me i.e. gift-goals.
My first gift-goal that I plan on achieving is writing an awesome blog post for The Girl Effect on the 4th of October and my second is to keep writing this blog even when things get in the way of making the time to do it.
On a completely unrelated note, I had my post-op visit on Tuesday and the doc says everything is okay. I had set a goal (it was not a gift-goal at the time) to eat a boiled dumpling this week. So far I have not occasion to do it but the week is not over yet so there is still time. I will give an update on that in my next post.
Also in case you have not seen it the blog now has a “Follow” button in some inconspicuous place on the page. I knew it was there and had to look for it. I said all of that to say that if you have not subscribed to the blog as yet and you want to know every time I have a new post you can use the Follow button. I now have two subscribers. Yay! Thanks second subscriber (you know who you are I should have thanked you earlier. I hope you are enjoying the book :)).