It goes without saying that I haven’t made a blog post in a while. There wasn’t the customary “I am going to blog more this year, New Year, new possibilities!” post at the start. It has been a rough start to the year and it really has not started to get better as yet.
Apart from the New Year starting on January 1, there are so many other new years that happen during the year so there are many occasions for new beginnings if I want. There is the new financial (work) year starting on April 1, the new Toastmasters year starting on July 1, my birthday etc.
This week, people all over the world celebrated Holi and though half of my family is of Indian descent, I have never really paid attention to the customary observances throughout the year. But this year I decided to see what Holi is all about. For one, visually it looks exciting with all the brilliant colours and I am sure it would be fun to be in a “powder fight” that ends up with everyone looking like a rainbow.
Historically, Holi is celebrated to mark the beginning of Spring. It is a time to be truthful, to forget hardships, to celebrate the triumph of good over evil. It is a time of togetherness, a celebration of the power of community, a time to give gifts and spread cheer, to forgive. I think this is a good way to start the year, so I am starting my year this week, in the middle of March, and celebrating Holi for the rest of the week, minus the colours.
Hi followers of coffeetableconversations! You are well overdue for a blog post. I have a lot on my mind so this post will be a bit of a potpourri.
Birthday Blood Drive
In a few days, I will be a year older. I will be celebrating my birthday with a blood drive on June 20 at the National Chest Hospital between 9 a.m. and 3 p.m. and one on June 18 at the Savanna la Mar Hospital between 8.30 a.m. and 3.30 p.m. On a happy note, I already have one donation (thanks Mommy for getting things together down there)!
OPPs
This year has been challenging, trying to juggle work, school, and other pursuits, but I have learnt a lot and seen myself grow. I’ve failed and hopefully (I am not certain at the time of writing this) that I have rectified the failure. I have grown in how I deal with failure, but in the same breath realize that I failed because I allowed someone else to shatter my self-confidence and I did not pick up the pieces in time to prevent failure. Having realized that, I tried my best to put the pieces back together and am really trying to separate OPPs (other people’s problems) from my own.
Speech Contest
I was in a speech contest and made it to the national level and even though I did not win, I had several people who told me that I should have at least placed. I am grateful for their comments but even more grateful for having been able to make it to that stage and put on a good show. I am also grateful for my friends, family and club members that were there to cheer me on as well as my coach for her help and support. Thanks guys! The experience was definitely a confidence builder and I see myself in another light. I joined Toastmasters for one reason but I now realize that the experience can help me move beyond that initial goal to something a whole lot more.
The Drawing Room Project
The Drawing Room Project, which I am associated with, pulled off another successful writer’s retreat this past weekend. I got to hang with Poet Laureate (and a really cool dude) Prof. Mervyn Morris. Poet Millicent Graham is doing an awesome job. Do go see her at her book launch during Kingston on the Edge as well as support the Drawing Room Project and its activities.
Being Brave
I think I have written before that when it is time for you to move out of a situation or move on from something, it will get so uncomfortable for you that you will have no choice but to leave. That said, the hardest part is being in a position where you will be leaving for the unknown and to have enough faith that it will all be alright even what happens is not the vision you had of yourself. I was inspired by a story from one of the participants in the retreat last week who shared that she got an awesome opportunity writing wise and she requested no-pay leave for the duration and the ministry of government she was working with at the time denied it and she just wrote her resignation and that was that and it all worked out in the end. This was not a recent event. I am working on my bravery. “Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.” – Bill Cosby
Think Small
The title of the speech I presented in the contests was “Think Small…” and after I wrote it, it was like everything in the (my) world was pointing to the benefits of thinking small. I will share the speech in a subsequent blog post. I even read something this week about that – “little bets”. “Little bets are a way to explore and develop new possibilities. Specifically, “a little bet is a low-risk action taken to discover, develop, and test and idea.” – Peter Sims I guess that may just be the theme of my year – “Think Small”.
Birthday Gift
So what do I want for a birthday gift? World peace, and an end to hunger and poverty would be ideal but just in case that won’t work out I’ll settle for something selfish, a Honda HRV, the more expensive one that ATL Honda offers for sale but without the leather seats. So… ATL Honda over to you.
Customer Service Mention
Of course, there has to be a customer service mention. This time it’s not so bad. I went to Pizza Hut Liguanea and they took a while to fill my order and when I noted this they apologized and gave me free cinnamon sticks. I think someone read my mind because I actually wanted cinnamon sticks but didn’t want 10 just maybe 2 so I didn’t buy any. And no I did not eat all 10 cinnamon sticks even though I think I could have, I shared them at work.
Citizen: An American Lyric
I am now reading the much talked about “Citizen: An American Lyric” by Claudia Rankine a must read for every black person in the USA. It makes me grateful I live here (despite all the problems we have) and not there. A few snippets… “…just getting along shouldn’t be an ambition”, “Words work as release-well-oiled doors opening and closing between intention, gesture.”, “You said “I” has so much power; it’s insane.”
Stush in the Bush
New discoveries, Stush in the Bush. Stush in the Bush has an awesome passion fruit butter. I am sure everything they make tastes awesome but, I am a passion fruit head. I love everything passion fruit. So once there is passion fruit I have on blinders when it comes to everything else.
It’s your time to fly
Last but by no means least, just remember that you were meant to fly, so DON’T GIVE UP!
It has been weeks since I last wrote a blog post. I had set out at the beginning of the year to do a whole lot more with this blog but as the saying goes… “you win some, you lose some”. There are other things that I set out to do that I did and still others that I am not where I would have liked to be almost at the end of the year.
This year has been a year of lessons. Learning that no matter how busy you make yourself, you cannot “outbusy” the things you are refusing to deal with by being busy, by doing, by literally running. Learning that once you stop being busy or stop moving; those issues are still going to be waiting there to be sorted out. Learning that I am stronger than I think once I faced those issues head on.
Learning (hopefully, once and for all) that despite your automatic “being positive and giving people the benefit of the doubt”, people can be real assholes. Learning that some people are assholes, period and some people act like assholes some of the time and that you have to separate the asshole behaviour from the person.
Learning that you have people in your corner that you never even knew were there.
Learning about your family.
Learning that you are actually good at something you never in your wildest dreams thought you would be good at and learning how to use your knew found “super power” for good when instinctively you prefer to be laid back and let someone else run the show. I joined Toastmasters earlier this year and I am proud to say that I earned my first designation a few weeks ago, I am now a Competent Communicator and one of the biggest compliments I have received this year was being told that I had the makings of a future Golden Gavel awardee. If you know me, you know that I am a bit shy, introverted (people literally exhaust me) and hate public speaking. Toastmasters has taught me that I can actually help people by lending my voice. I have had people ask me to send them my speeches, I have had persons share the content of my presentation with others. I learnt that speaking can equate to helping. ICAJ Toastmasters Club for the win!
The title for my blog post is purpose and at the outset it may seem like it should have been titled “learning” but the recurrent theme for me this year and especially in the last few weeks has been purpose. I finished reading “The Purpose Driven Life” a few weeks ago and the whole idea of purpose has been surfacing in a lot of what I have been reading since then and just thinking about life, what I want to do and where I want to go. I have been asking God what it is He wants me to do. I think I got an answer but I am not yet sure how I am going to operationalize it because it is going to take money. I have figured out a fun way to do it but as I said it will take money. And then again, did He mean it literally or figuratively? I will figure it out soon enough.
But back to the whole idea of purpose. What’s your purpose? Have you gotten it all figured out yet? For some people it will take a longer time to figure it out than others. How you fulfil your purpose may take a different shape or form at different periods of your life. Perhaps your purpose may even change. I figured out that even though I don’t have it all figured out as yet, there is one thing I am spending a whole lot of time on several days a week that has nothing to do with my purpose and it is draining the life out of me. Time to change that!
Having not yet figured it all out I may not be as purposeful as I would like to be but I am excited. Excited about the journey and excited about the prospects once I have it all figured out. Excited that things all seem to be falling into place. I am not going to be complacent though. I know that shit is going to happen. I got a taste of “the bad” this year. My grandmother died and it really threw me for a loop. It was one of those things that forced me to stop moving and deal with some stuff. I have been reflecting on her life and the reality that my parents aren’t immortal, really hit hard. So I am still trying to figure things out but I am getting there.
Once again I have big plans for the blog, but bear with me if it is not all I hope it will be but I promise it will be better. Thanks for following, sharing, and commenting. I am going to try posting to Medium as well so I will have another avenue to share my thoughts and ideas. I will let you know how it goes as I have not posted to Medium before. Basically I will be posting my blog posts here, there.
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